Barber Surgeons live on

Had an uncommon experience in the midst of a common experience. The common experience, a haircut. Yes, I still go to a barber shop. Don't go to sylists/hair salons/ etc. I've been going to a barber since before I can remember. I even remember seeing "baby's first lock of hair" in my baby book some years ago. But to the matter at hand --- I had gone for my usual trim this past week. There were a few customers ahead of me so I settled in with the paper. As I was waiting, one of the barbers received a phone call. I could only hear his end of the conversation. It seemed routine at first with a few pleasantries exchanged, but as it went on, his voice became more agitated and shrill and at one point he exclaimed, "I'm very busy now. You'll have to call back later!" Silence for several seconds (seemed like minutes). Then again - louder - "I'm very busy. You're going to have to call back later. I have customers in the chair." And with that, he hung up. As luck would have it, he finished the customer in the chair and guess whose turn it was?? Yep, yours truly. I didn't think a lot about it at first, but after he put the paper tape around my neck and covered me with the sheet, I began to hope his mood had not been pathologically altered. The clippers went smoothly, although it seemed a little closer than usual. (My wife said later, "You've been peeled, and 'gapped' to boot." ) For those of you who don't frequent barber shops, the next thing is the trimming of the eyebrows, nose and ears and finally the shaving of the back of the neck with a straight edge razor. Yep, just like in the cowboy movies. The eyebrows went well and no problems with the nose. (By the way, the older you get, they spend more time trimming the hair in and on your ears, nose and eyebrows than the top of your head --- funny how that works.) However, when he put the pointed scissors in my ear to trim the external ear canal, he gouged me a couple of times. Remembering my childhood instructions, I didn't flinch, complain or utter obscenities. Next he lathered up some shaving cream and applied it to my ears. The trick is to shave around the ears and the back of the neck without cutting the customer. You guessed it. He failed. I knew I was in trouble when he got out his styptic pencil. This is an astringent used to stop the bleeding from small cuts and nicks. Stings like the devil, I might add. After I got painted with the styptic pencil, I looked like some guy with chicken pox or insect bites who had been recently medicated. I can't print all of what Miss Pat said about my haircut when I got home. Oh yes, the title of the post, BARBER SURGEON, is in reference to the fact that barbers used to do surgery. It was one stop shopping for dental, surgical and hair problems.) It is said that the blood stained bandages were hung out on a pole to dry. As an advertisement, someone decided to create a candy cane sign with alternating red and white stripes and a bowl on top (the bowl to hold leeches and blood, back when bloodletting was in vogue). This was said to simulate the bandages hanging on the pole. Maybe I've been guilty of a little poetic license, but the above account is pretty near the truth. Cross my heart. Actually I was crossing my legs before I got out of that barber chair. P.S. Can't mention the name of the shop. I'd be sued to glory. cmmjr